Confessions of a vain man…
November 5, 2008
What is the world coming to why are men getting sickingly vainer! A male friend of mine confessed to dabberling with a bit of the good old fake tan last night and was boasting how good he looked! This is not normal i know that winter is officially here now and the chance of getting a tan is very slim unless your one of the fortunate people off on a winter holiday but MEN bragging about using fake tan is not normal!!!
Where is your shame i cant believe that men can be so open about using fake tan and not be slightly embarrassed! Ok so a tan does make a man look far more attractive as it gives you a healthier glow and gives muscles the appearance of better definition but please keep it to yourself that you fake tan.
The thing is it’s a girl’s territory when it comes to the masters of fake tanning and men do not have the ability to be able to do this without coming out a streaky mess and looking as orange as David Dickinson.
My male friend in my eyes was a ‘real’ man but obviously not! It has really opened by eyes that all men are at it now and are becoming more like women by the day so i have come up with a step-by-step guide to applying your fake tan to perfection as i am worried that on my next night out the bars are going to be full of orange-clad men.
STEP 1: Exfoliate
Exfoliate all over with a body scrub brush. If your super vain shave all over as fake tan can turn your bristles and hair to ginger. By exfoliating before applying fake tan you are guaranteed not to get any blotches.
STEP 2: DRY
Make sure you are completely dry. If you attempt to apply your fake tan before drying you will be left with LOTS of streaks!
STEP 3: TIME TO ADD THE TAN!
Add a small amount of the lotion into your hand and add to your body as evenly as possible in upwards strokes.
Do not forget your:
Lower Leg
Upper Leg
Arms
Chest
Neck
Face
Back – This is the point where you need a friend who is not going to rip the piss out of you or a loyal girlfriend who is not going to run a mile!
STEP 4: Wash
The palms of your hands are the tell tale signs that you are wearing fake tan. So after applying fake tan wash your hands in warm soapy water and then scrub, scrub, scrub with a nail brush !
LAST BUT NOT LEAST: Don’t even ask to sleep over at our house as we prefer our bed sheets to be white not orange!!!
